An ode to my father:
My dad's birthday is coming up, so it's got me thinking about him.
He
is a hard worker,
and I know that he would do
anything
for my mom, brother, sister and me.
I remember what I thought about him when I was little:
that he knows everything,
and is stronger and taller than
everyone.
Sometimes he will look at me and say,
"You sure are beautiful."
Both him and my mom are a picture of
unconditional love.
He offers what every dad should:
safety & protection. He worries a lot, and wants what is best for us.
When I think about my dad,
it's hard for me to not think about my friends who have never experienced any of
this.
For Rakesh,
who has only known his father to be
smoking hash and marrying new women every year.
It kills me to think of what he lacks when he lacks a father.
I am so worn out of loneliness,
but I understand that I can't substitute his father.
I can hope that maybe,
one day,
his father will decide to love him, and will see what an incredible human being his son is.
I can struggle with him,
and be his friend when he is feeling
alone.
This world is a hard place to be sometimes,
but it becomes easier
when we struggle
with
each other.
August 22nd
A few days ago,
I watched this video of Eric's home for the next however many months.
It was so loud;
it wasn't the sounds of horns, or people screaming,
and I didn't hear sirens or babies crying...
in my world,
that stuff is loud.
The sound in Eric's world is that of constant open fire.
A giant volume, that is inescapable.
It was crazy to be able to see it in film. To see people moving around, and see my brother living his life in Afghanistan.
This man has traded his two bedroom
for a combat zone.
It blows my mind to think about the fact that we are all
citizens of planet earth,
and how different our lives are.
But, my own brother?? Who was born in the United States of America, and into a generation that has not seen war on home soil,
is suddenly in war.
I--
don't think I would stand a day. In fact, I am positive
I couldn't do it.
I don't like thinking about the things he has seen.
It's crazy to know what he has watched. And I admire his capacity to live under these circumstances,
day after day,
after day.
Minute, second, always.
And I used to bitch about this shit a lot:
until I got sick of being cynical.
But it would be a comfort to know that the lives of these men are being exposed by their media, but instead, we'll just be talking about who could possibly be the mother of Micheal Jackson's children.
I watched this video of Eric's home for the next however many months.
It was so loud;
it wasn't the sounds of horns, or people screaming,
and I didn't hear sirens or babies crying...
in my world,
that stuff is loud.
The sound in Eric's world is that of constant open fire.
A giant volume, that is inescapable.
It was crazy to be able to see it in film. To see people moving around, and see my brother living his life in Afghanistan.
This man has traded his two bedroom
for a combat zone.
It blows my mind to think about the fact that we are all
citizens of planet earth,
and how different our lives are.
But, my own brother?? Who was born in the United States of America, and into a generation that has not seen war on home soil,
is suddenly in war.
I--
don't think I would stand a day. In fact, I am positive
I couldn't do it.
I don't like thinking about the things he has seen.
It's crazy to know what he has watched. And I admire his capacity to live under these circumstances,
day after day,
after day.
Minute, second, always.
And I used to bitch about this shit a lot:
until I got sick of being cynical.
But it would be a comfort to know that the lives of these men are being exposed by their media, but instead, we'll just be talking about who could possibly be the mother of Micheal Jackson's children.
August 13th
This is Sanju. Here, you can see him (sort of) talking about things that nobody, nowhere could ever understand, and after that you will see him obey my commands to do karate. I think he is a black belt. Or maybe not. He likes to pretend to talk English, do karate and steal my crap. And I like to be with him anytime that it's possible. One time we opened up a tattoo shop in our alley. In this video, you'll also see him.... snap, and show off his missing tooth.
August 10th
I saw a preview for "The Motorcycle Diaries" the other night,
and it described Che Guevara as "the most complete human of his time..."
So, I have started wondering what it would be like to be described as complete.
I am surely not there yet,
but in some ways, I feel complete. I found this something in Nepal, each time I go back, I find it more deeply.... and whatever it is,
it completes me.
Better yet,
it is completing me as I continue to become.
Che did good things, and he fought for people, for certain.
The other thing the preview said was, "Let the world change you and you will change the world."
I think that's what made Che complete--
he let our world change him.
So, as I consider my opinions, and mull over my ideas,
I like to pick out the ones that have been changed by the world.
My friend Jessica was in town this week, and she asked me,
"Why do you keep reading your journals?"
Now, I don't have this habbit of reading the things that I have written,
but I wanted to see where the world had changed me.
It's fun to see areas where I have had a plan, or an idea, or a thought-
and through people, places, or just the world, it got turned upside down.
and it described Che Guevara as "the most complete human of his time..."
So, I have started wondering what it would be like to be described as complete.
I am surely not there yet,
but in some ways, I feel complete. I found this something in Nepal, each time I go back, I find it more deeply.... and whatever it is,
it completes me.
Better yet,
it is completing me as I continue to become.
Che did good things, and he fought for people, for certain.
The other thing the preview said was, "Let the world change you and you will change the world."
I think that's what made Che complete--
he let our world change him.
So, as I consider my opinions, and mull over my ideas,
I like to pick out the ones that have been changed by the world.
My friend Jessica was in town this week, and she asked me,
"Why do you keep reading your journals?"
Now, I don't have this habbit of reading the things that I have written,
but I wanted to see where the world had changed me.
It's fun to see areas where I have had a plan, or an idea, or a thought-
and through people, places, or just the world, it got turned upside down.
August 2nd
I found this list I wrote 3-4 years ago,
I had decided to list reasons "why my life is good...."
1. I got a free Nintendo and Nintendo 64
2. My skin that was pealing has ceased completely
3. I have a fairly decent name, not like Sheila or Patty
4. There is no cockroaches in my house
5. I am going to China
6. I write letters to Angelina and Brad
7. I am on a first name basis with Angelina and Brad
8. and Ellen
9. My family is funny
10. My best friend pooped in a lake, and i was with her
11. I got my ears pierced, with decent sized bling for studs
12. I don't always smell super bad
13. I have seen and can testify that "Good Burger" is the funniest movie ever made
14. My sister has a double bed
15. I simply dominate at picking up every singe ring in Sonic
16. One of my bffs is 27
17. Another one of my bffs is 1
I had no idea I ever had dreams of going to China,
I now have a queen size bed,
+ 4 years to numbers 16 & 17,
Add a trip to Africa, and meeting my best friends in South Asia,
Minus Jon and Kate separating, MJ dying and the fucking Bush administation,
....and my life is still so damn good.
I had decided to list reasons "why my life is good...."
1. I got a free Nintendo and Nintendo 64
2. My skin that was pealing has ceased completely
3. I have a fairly decent name, not like Sheila or Patty
4. There is no cockroaches in my house
5. I am going to China
6. I write letters to Angelina and Brad
7. I am on a first name basis with Angelina and Brad
8. and Ellen
9. My family is funny
10. My best friend pooped in a lake, and i was with her
11. I got my ears pierced, with decent sized bling for studs
12. I don't always smell super bad
13. I have seen and can testify that "Good Burger" is the funniest movie ever made
14. My sister has a double bed
15. I simply dominate at picking up every singe ring in Sonic
16. One of my bffs is 27
17. Another one of my bffs is 1
I had no idea I ever had dreams of going to China,
I now have a queen size bed,
+ 4 years to numbers 16 & 17,
Add a trip to Africa, and meeting my best friends in South Asia,
Minus Jon and Kate separating, MJ dying and the fucking Bush administation,
....and my life is still so damn good.
August 1st
You know when you look at someone- in their eyes,
and you know you are looking at
the tip of an iceberg??
You can tell they have so much in them, and you could spend your life discovering them?
I get that.
I had breakfast with a bunch of that type this morning.
It was excellent.
and you know you are looking at
the tip of an iceberg??
You can tell they have so much in them, and you could spend your life discovering them?
I get that.
I had breakfast with a bunch of that type this morning.
It was excellent.
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