January 30

A week ago,
I found out that my grandma is dying.
Her kidneys are shutting down.
She has always been a sort-of
behind the scenes role in my life. She never really told me how much she stands behind me,
but I always knew it.
And now,
she is in her dining room,
in a hospital bed,
dying &
so we go over there,
and sit by her bed, and listen to her, and she listens to us, and we talk about when we were younger, and when she was a girl, and she makes us laugh,
& then I leave her house,
and hate myself for how little time I have spent with her.
I have lived
the sweetest moments of my life
sitting next to her, sitting next to her bed.
A lot of the time,
I just look at her.
I've discovered her compassion, and realized that there is
noone
like her.
I asked her if she loved me,
she said,
"I absolutely do."
For now, I am trying to pretend that there is no tomorrow,
and trying to focus on the fact that the death looming over
us
doesn't matter as much as how stunning I find her,
or the fact
that death is about to take her,
so that we don't have her anymore.
This last week, I have been a mess,
in the midst of losing myself,
I talked to her on the phone and she said,
"anytime you have a problem, you can call me."
I'm going to miss that.
I am going to miss her.

January 26

I love who she is.
She is constantly seeking the good in other people.
It's not an effort.
It is who she is.
It is who she is,
to be simple,
It is who she is,
to never think of herself.
She is
the reason we're all still standing because she is always there,
wanting to listen,
wanting to offer her whole self to our well beings.
The way she loves,
is who she is.
Compassion is DeLores Henry,
because she feels your hurt,
and your happiness & you can see it in her eyes.
You can see deep hurt, and deep joy.
She carries the weight of the world.
She has a wide open heart.
She is good.
She is stunning.

January 11

(Reason number five)

Soba. Soba has changed my life. & she has no idea. She is so much fun, she is spicy and brave and always sarcastic. She is not afraid to tell me when she needs help, or when she doesn't feel good. She wears her her emotions on her sleeve, and makes me want to do the same. She is real. Honest and always authentic. She forces me to love her, even when she knows I have nothing left. She challenges everyone around her, and angers and frustrates them, and two seconds later has them laughing at her. She is so dynamic and so so beautiful. She looked at me, and said, "Promise you will come back?" and keeping that promise to her is the reason. I admire her more than anyone in my life, she is intense and extremely brave. She can take on any thing and anybody. She is unafraid.

She is my inspiration each and everyday.

January 10

(Reason number four)
Bikash's stunning intelligence. He silently observes a lot and it wasn't until he trusted me that I found out he is completely hilarious. I have never met a child so smart, besides maybe his brother but neither of them boast or flaunt it. He is quite shy, and every time I felt closer to him, I felt like I was discovering a new part of him. He is complex, yet simple. His laugh alone is enough reason to make sure I make it back to Nepal. His deep voice, and his love for his friends. When I look at him, I always feel like there is so much more to be known about him. I am not sure where he came from, or who is in his family. He is polite, and so many Nepali people in the street or in the restaurant would pinpoint him and say, "This boy is very clever."
With empowerment, Bikash will absolutely change his nation.