December 1

"Perhaps it's in the nature of his temperament, to look with caution upon cleverness and certitude and never to be too determined to predict the destination of a journey or conversation."

That was said about Mr. Rogers. I love it.

My temperament:
has changed drastically over the last year. With 4 inspiring months in Nepal, a brother who is in Afghanistan, working two lovely jobs, and countless conversations that have shifted my perspective, I can say confidently that I am looking cautiously at certitude. It's making me a more peaceful person. It helps me listen- I love talking to people everyday, because I've gotten to a point that I am not looking for a purpose, there is no selfish motive in my interactions anymore. I just want to listen to people and try to understand how thier experiences can make us all better, starting with me. This year has taught me to move slow and take it easy. Bigger things have taken over- like that battle Eric was in, or the goodbyes I had to say to my family and friends in Kathmandu, or spending two days a week with Tim. Slowly but surely, everything that has happened recently has translated into an understanding that life is meant to be enjoyed, and it can be enjoyed in the most simple of places.
With this understanding, the idea and process of "letting the wind carry you" has worked its way into who I am. I used to predict my destination all the time. If I didn't have a plan, I felt uneasy. I wanted to know what my life was going to be, I was constantly looking forward to the next challenge I had to take on in order to keep myself and those around me on thier toes. If I was satisfied- I was annoyed, I was always pressing to be in a place of dissatisfaction.
This is a better way of living. I am so happy. Shitty circumstances arise, for sure but nothing can change my world, because I'm taking it day to day. I enjoy the kids at work- I give myself the chance to listen to the funny things they say. I am in love with my family- I've begun to see them as individuals and not just my mom, dad, brother and sister. Everything is beautiful, and I think it has a lot to do with the idea of "not being too determined of a journey."